smiling does turn things around:

"We are all in the gutter,
but some of us are looking at the stars."

Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan (1892)
Act III




(Christopher David Ryan)

remember to vote

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." (Barack Obama)

because i felt like it

metamorphosis,

metamorphosis; natural process after birth, in which an animal abruptly changes it's form. basically that's what im going through, both physically and mentally.
it's obviously important to improve yourself, you never stop learning,
there is always something you can better up.
we all know this, we all know many things.
doesn't really mean we are actually applying it.
which is a struggle for most, like myself.
i keep making the same stupid mistakes (yes, here i go again!)
and i keep telling myself i will stop (God only knows). i've already made some changes,
still some people make it hard for me.

im trying to look at the bright side of it all, try not to focus so much on the downside.
that eventually things will be as the should (I KNOW i deserve it), eventually things wont be so messed up (not that my life is the worse)
sometimes i feel im living hell, but im not that unfair (i know things could be so much worse & i know im not the only one going through stuff) and i still try to be grateful in spite of it all.
i keep smiling even if i wanna cry badly. i've been so stressed out. everyday feels like decision making day (life changing decisions). i feel too much pressure, which might affect my attitude towards (bitchy!) others and i'm not asking for understanding (can't expect that much)- im just asking for patience (for me & others surrounding me). i might actually even start praying or something (im more the spiritual type).


in the -changing my life, moving on and letting go- spirit,
i cut my hair (im that serious about making changes, NOW)

hoping for better;

everything is shitty,
i'm still trying to be positive.
i just wish i stopped making the exact same mistakes,
i've had enough. this time, i promise things will be different.
i will stop being so damn stupid. i'm just too paranoid, it's so complicated
but from now on, ive decided to be less afraid and just allow myself being happy.
in another hand, i've got so much to look foward to, at least i've got that.
things will get better, i know so.
i can't wait for christmas vacations.
im super excited.

within you.

and all I really want is deliverance,

every day more and more i feel.... i honestly don't even know what i'm feeling.
my feelings change so often, too quickly.
this is getting pretty exhausting.
i can't even make out what i really want.
sometimes i think i know exactly what i want, the next second i'm totally doubtful.
it's pretty hard to put my thoughts down to words.
i just wished someone understood.
i wish i was completely honest.
i just feel like i'm drowning in an empty glass - i hate this.
the worst part is letting my loved ones know, i just hate being such
a cliché, just another complicated teen/drama queen.
i don't like feeling complicated. i just want people to know even
though i'm not feeling ok, im not completely terrible.
i need to make decisions, i need to make some drastic changes.
i just need to get up and do what my heart & mind are telling me to.
i'm just having too many mood swings.
...stuck, hmm, that's what the basic feeling is.